I'm going to rape someone's good day.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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