these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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