After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I need moral support for this bender
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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