Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
