You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
