barbara walters just said penis...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
