Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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