Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
