hotel room ftw
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
