i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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