When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
