After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Actions speak louder than pants.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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