dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
