So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
pray to the hookup gods
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
