Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
