cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I've blown a few things in my day
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
