It was confusing and full of hummus
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
