I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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