Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
