Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
