yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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