My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
