Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Two words: blizzard sex
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
