Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
