i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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