Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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