so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
