her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
