Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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