Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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