Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
