just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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