Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
