Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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