but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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