Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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