even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
