the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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