real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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