I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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