so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
