Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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