Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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