plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
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The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
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Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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