oh god the rape fog is back!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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