my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
