My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's official drugs can't kill me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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