The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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