His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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