I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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