Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
