Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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