Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
