i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
