I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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