New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
