why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
