You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
