mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
