so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
