it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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