I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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