How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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