I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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