I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I want to have your abortion
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
