what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
