already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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