I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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